Doctor Delight's Dastardly Deeds
by Clarilune
Summary: Dr. Delight, the diminutive emolga, despises everyone, so he's decided to destroy the world doing dastardly deeds. Death, destruction, and doom definitely daunt the dwellers of Unova under the doctor's determination and dedication to being the darkest delinquent alive.
1. A Fate Worse Than Death

**Author's Note:** It's been a while since I started a new story, but this one has been in the back of my mind for a while. It is just going to be fun for me to write. It's a prequel to my other story, _Untamed_, although the connections between these stories probably won't appear for a long time. With that said, this story won't be a primary focus for me, but it will be something I write whenever I can't write _Untamed_.

Warning: This story will be pretty goofy and silly, but eventually it will start to get kind of serious and dark.

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_**Dr. Delight's Dastardly Deeds**_

* * *

**01: A Fate Worse Than Death**

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I had, for as long as I could remember, been alone. There was only one reason why this was.

It wasn't because my ears were outlandishly large.

It wasn't because my winged flaps couldn't catch wind whenever I jumped from a great height.

It wasn't because I couldn't control my electricity or that I would accidentally electrocute anyone close to me as I attempted to speak with them.

No, it was none of this.

The reason I had lived in solitude nearly my entire life was because I was the _greatest_ villain in existence. I was simply too cruel and intelligent. Too cunning and wicked. Too handsome and horrible.

But, you see, this was problematic for whatever plans I possessed. Solitude was a hefty price to pay and it would prove to be a costly habit to break, considering I had decided it was time to invest in a minion.

You see, I had grown tired of lumbering about with my inventions and work. It would be nice every once in a while if I could request another being of absolute evil to maim someone for me or to acquire ingredients for a death ray. But fate had different plans in store for me, evidently. The greatest villain in existence was deprived of companionship—even the cruel and helpful kind.

Well. I cursed fate. I condemned it. I even tried to use a death ray on it. Of course, the death ray missed and hit me in the eye, but I was still working out the kinks.

If fate wasn't going to accept my invitation, then I would have to break its doors down and tie it up. It would be so much easier if I had someone else to do it for me, however.

Where could I locate such a minion? Where did I start?

After hours of searching, I realized I was looking too far ahead. I needed to first settle down—establish a base where I could conduct my dastardly deeds without interruption.

That was why I stood now before an unworthy creature—a pidove whose feathers had started trembling at the sight of me. My fur sparked in delight at the fear glistening in the beady bird's eyes.

"Unworthy creature, you are loitering in my new lair, and I demand you leave," I ordered, smiling darkly and allowing my fangs to be seen. "If you leave promptly, I will spare you from a fate worse than death and allow you to keep every feather on your miserable, unworthy body."

The pidove trembled only a moment longer before it halted. "…Did you say 'a fate worse than death'?"

"YES. A fate so gruesome and horrible that your eggs would break if they thought about it and cause the unborn yolk to ooze out while crying, 'No! Why wasn't I born? This is so tragic and awful!' YES. A fate so terrible that if I told you about it, you would die at the thought of it and—"

"A fate worse than death?"

"…You know, that's quite rude. I was in the middle of a rather dreadful speech…but if you would like to keep questioning disruptively like an uncultured tepig, then _by all means_."

The pidove cocked its head. "Sorry, but…a fate worse than death?"

"…YES? What about it?"

The pidove flapped his wings shortly before heightening himself from his cowering position. "How is that possible? Death is the worst thing that can happen to someone, right?"

"…Well—"

"And if that's the worst thing, what could be worse? I mean, sure, getting hurt and tortured before dying would suck—if that's what you're implying—but dying means it's all over and that you don't get to keep trying. That, in my opinion, is the worst possible fate."

"…Yes, but you're free from your torture. The pain is lessened significantly—"

"Yeah, but how do you know that? Have _you_ died?"

I faltered. "…Well, no. BUT—"

"You see? You haven't died. Now, if you were a ghost pokémon, then you would know what it's like to die and everything. But since you're not, I'm pretty sure you have no idea what you're talking about."

"…Look, I just want your tree." I pulled one flap across my face, glaring threateningly at him with the fiercest expression I could manage. "If you leave without saying another word, I will allow you and your eggs to live and continue with your discourteous and ill-mannered existence!"

"I'm a dude. I don't have any eggs."

I glanced behind him, examining the empty nest. "…Oh. Well. Then I will spare you and your _future_ eggs—"

"I'm not having any kids."

"Were you raised in a bush? Honestly. Shut your ungrateful beak, and _quit interrupting me._"

"Why? You're trespassing on _my_ property."

"Actually, this is _my_ lair, so I demand you leave before I strike you with—"

"Yeah, I know. A fate worse than death." The pidove stepped back into its nest, sitting down defiantly. "I've been living here since I first learned how to fly. This isn't your 'lair.' Anything else you want to add, Dumbo?"

_What_ did he call me? "HOW DARE YOU. If you believe the ingenious and infamous Dr. Delight will allow you to address him by such a disrespectful title, then surely the fate you do desire is death! And I, with my superior voltage and intellect, will happily oblige this request—"

"Wait, what did you say your name was? Doctor…_Delight_?" Much to my chagrin, the pidove started snickering until all I could hear from his wretched beak were cheeps of laughter. "Your name is _Dr. Delight_?"

At last he realized who he was talking to. "YES! It is a name fit for only the most malevolent villain in existence—"

"Or for the fruitiest berry _ever_. Who names himself 'Dr. Delight'?"

"An evil genius who knows that such an amiable name will fool only the weakest of minds! Does someone as insolent as yourself expect malice from such a name? Of course not! Which is why it is my name. Though I may appear and sound weak, my mind is my greatest weapon, which I can use to spawn the deadliest electricity! NOW, you have incited my wrath, so I will do only what is necessary: roast your piteous subsistence until your body is as dead as your imprudent mind!"

I raised my flaps menacingly as my fur sparked in response, crackling with the electricity I knew would strike the rude bird into unconsciousness.

"Now you shall experience the deadly force of Dr. Delight and wish you had listened! Now you shall receive _a fate worse than death—_and yes, there _is_ such a thing, you fool, as you will soon see—and wish you could die so that you would never have to face the vengeful rage of the greatest villain in existence—Dr. Delight! Now you…shall…" I lowered my flaps slowly, watching the pidove as his beak opened to release a tired snore. "Did—are you…You are by far the rudest bird I have ever encountered. Are you truly slumbering? I was in the middle of a glorious threat. How _dare_ you."

Disgruntled, I poked one wing, causing him to shift. I did yet another jab, finally stirring the inferior being awake.

"Ugh…"

"YES, THAT IS RIGHT. It is I, Dr. Delight, here to destroy you in the defense of my lair—"

"You're _still _here?"

"THAT'S IT. EAT ELECTRICITY, YOU IMPOLITE FOOL." I channeled some bolts into my paws, extending my arms so that the currents scoured my flaps. "When you return as a ghost pokémon, please inform me of your experience with death! I would like to hear all about it! MWUAHAHAHA!" The evil laughter was my cue. I burst the electricity forth, causing it to clamor forward unobjectionably.

The pidove blinked once. Then twice. Then a third time.

"Nice. You almost blinded me there."

"…What? How are you still alive?"

"That stuff didn't touch me, Doc. Maybe _you_ should see a doctor."

"Do not mock me!" Curses. My electricity refused to yield to me yet again. That time it felt close, as if I was finally reigning over its power. I couldn't control it—not even sporadically. But I was steadfastly approaching such a point—a time when I could actually wield it with accurate precision.

If my electricity was failing me, I needed a plan B.

I pointed off to the side, gesturing to another branch. "What's that over there?"

The pidove turned. "What?"

"AH HA!" I shoved the pidove out of its nest, causing it to tumble off the branch. "NOT EVEN YOUR WINGS CAN SAVE YOU!"

Actually, they could. Perhaps I shouldn't have suggested it.

The pidove landed on the branch. His flaps were harsh, practically scratching the air in agitation. "Look, now you're just annoying me. Just leave. You're not getting any part of this tree."

"If you wish for me to leave, then I will return later on with an army of the foulest creatures in existence!" It was a vicious lie, but he couldn't predict that. He wasn't clever enough.

"You're bluffing." Curses.

"You have no proof!"

"Your name is Dr. Delight. I'm pretty sure you don't have an army. Are you even a doctor?"

"…I left my business leaves at home, but I can assure you, you foolish oaf, I have plenty of practice in malpractice—"

"Bring back proof, and then I'll _maybe_ consider what you said."

"Ha! Very well! And then at last you can leave my lair. Do we have a deal?"

"Sure, whatever."

And so began my conquest to not only find a minion and gain a lair but also to create some business leaves.

Oh yes. I was, indeed, the greatest villain of them all. And I would prove it.

I would make all of those fools pay for their foolishness, and I was going to feel so delighted as I did it.


	2. A Monster Appeared

**02: A Monster Appeared**

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"What is this? I can't read this. This is spearow-scratch."

"And is that not evidence enough? I _am_ a doctor." I was also a doctor that didn't know how to write, but that fool didn't know that.

The pidove studied the business leaf for another second before handing it back to me. "Yeah, okay. I believe you." He sat back in his nest.

I burst into evil laughter. "Now you shall leave because I have supplied you with the evidence you desired! YOUR TREE IS MINE!"

"Why do you yell so much? I'm right here."

"…Your tree is mine," I whispered, and then began stroking the branch. The bark was smooth. It was perhaps the smoothest bark I ever encountered. At least the pidove took decent care of his shelter. It was the perfect inheritance—one I would utilize proudly.

"Actually, if you think about it, the tree isn't yours. Just the branch," the pidove corrected. "If you want the entire tree, you'll have to talk to Jameson, Demetri, and Kimmy. Just warning you: Jameson doesn't like anyone trespassing his nest."

"What utter nonsense! If you don't leave immediately, I will forcefully remove your nest," I warned, grinding my fangs together sharply.

The pidove merely looked at me and then got up.

"Ah, at last you are having sense. Perhaps _you_ would make a good minion. If ever I'm in need of wind, your abilities would be useful."

"Oh yeah, I can show you some wind." The pidove stood and flapped ruthlessly, cutting through the air as if it impeded on his space. A gust started building, spinning under the breadth of his wings. The force was starting to push me backwards.

"Considering your feeble size, this is rather impressive, but it requires work." I spat as a leaf flew into my mouth. "That's quite enough! I've experienced your wind. You may stop." I dropped to the branch, clinging to it as the wind threatened to throw me off. "You ignorant idiot—I said _stop_!"

"What? Sorry! Can't hear you! I don't have ears as big as yours!"

"MY MASSIVE EAR SIZE IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH MY LEVEL OF HEARING! ALTHOUGH, YES, BOTH ARE SUPERIOR, IF YOU WERE WONDERING!"

That was the last thing I screamed as the wind finally plucked me from the branch and tossed me to the ground.

I descended unhappily, gritting back my screams, until I landed harshly on a bush. It cushioned my fall and allowed me the opportunity to steer myself upright. I got up dizzily, the weight of my ears nearly sending me backwards again.

"You will regret this! Your home will cease to exist! I will zap it into nonexistence! I will shock you into extinction!" I shouted. I was ready to charge back up the tree and attack the prevaricator.

But then a monster appeared.

"_Hey, an emolga!"_

I stopped, as if I was suddenly afflicted with ice. That was what it felt like as I turned to make eye contact with one of the monsters the pokémon around here called a "human." It was so tall that it could have touched the pidove's branch if it stretched its arms upward. It stared down at me with a callous grin, watching me with the gaze of a predator that was ready to attack its victim.

"_You have huge ears. I've never seen ears that big before. Go, Patty!"_

A feral rodent appeared from the human's mechanical orb, its eyes stretched so colorfully and widely that I thought it most likely could not blink. I recognized the species as a patrat, but I didn't have time to observe my most recent foe. The human acted as if _I_ was the threat.

"_Patty, use bite!"_

Patty dashed toward me, its jagged tooth appearing as a separate entity in the abyss of its mouth. I refused to be assaulted by such darkness.

Squealing—I mean, grunting, I turned swiftly away as an unexpected ray of electricity jetted from my left flap. The patrat screeched as it was struck, crying out as if I had betrayed it. Fool. As if I cared for its well-being. It attacked me first. Even if it hadn't, I wouldn't have cared for its health.

"_Go after it, Patty!"_

I dodged by circling the tree, pressing myself to the trunk. As the patrat looped from the other side of the tree, I arrived at the wickedest thought. I knew how I was going to take my lair. I knew how I was going to get my revenge.

I climbed the tree without hesitating, snaring on to the branch I had just been thrown off of. After pulling myself upward, I stared at the pidove with a widening smirk.

The pidove sighed heavily. "You don't give up, do you?"

"Insolent bird, what is your name?" I liked to know the names of my victims.

"Well, it's definitely not 'Insolent bird.' It's Sid."

"Well, Sid…" I sprang forward, grasping his wings before he had a chance to flap backward. "If you don't wish to give your branch up, perhaps you're more willing to give _yourself_ up!" I heaved the pidove off the branch, into the very face of the human that had attacked me.

But, well…there was a slight error with my upheaval. The pidove clung to me just as forcefully, making me fall with it.

The human sputtered its surprise before stepping back with enough sense to call out, _"Now there's two! Patty, use tackle!"_

Disheveled, Sid arose, but not before being smacked by the patrat, injuring him enough to keep him on the ground. I tiptoed, slinking away from the combat. I inwardly praised my sneakiness. If I wasn't an evil doctor, I could have been equally adept as a ninja.

Until the twig I stepped on snapped.

"_Hey, it's getting away! Patty, go after the emolga! Use tackle!"_

"No, you big-toothed lout! I command you to maim the bird!" I cried defiantly as the patrat narrowly missed me.

The patrat stood back, and behind it I could see Sid shaking his head and spreading his feathers.

"Who are you to command me? You're not my trainer!"

"But are you truly in need of a trainer? Look at that human! It does not appreciate you! Wouldn't you prefer the leadership of another? One with a mind so powerful that there is none like it anywhere else in the world?" I offered. I brought one flap over my mouth, using it as a cape. "Someone like me?"

The patrat's wide eyes continued staring with unyielding sternness.

Then it burst into laughter.

"You? Don't make me laugh!"

"I'm not forcing you to laugh, you dimwit. You're doing that on your own. Now would you halt your laughter and consider the rewards of such an occupation!"

"Whatever, Big Ears!" And with that, the patrat charged. I was surrounded by imbeciles.

I gritted my teeth and spun past it, retracing its pathway toward Sid. If Sid brought me down here with him, then I was going to do what I swore I would do.

I faced Patty challengingly, positioned directly in front of the fallen pidove. As she clambered near, I evaded by scurrying to the side, causing a collision between the pidove and the patrat.

I climbed to the back of the tree to avoid the trainer's gaze and then leaned out over the branch to watch the show.

The battle lasted a mere two minutes. Soon, Sid was caught inside one of the human's metallic orbs, permanently removed from his home.

As promised, Sid received a fate worse than death.

From the branch, I grinned, relishing in my new lair. I curled up in the abandoned nest, stretching out my tiny feet.

"And now," I said aloud, to no one in particular, "I shall find my minion."


End file.
